Hopped Up on the Goofballs

December 30, 2012 at 2:15 am (Hospitalizations, Medical, The Panniculectomy) (, , , , , )

I am, as my friend Stephanie would say, hopped up on the goofballs. That is, I am on high amounts of dilaudid through a PCA pump.

Yes, this means I made it through the surgery. However, there was a scary moment, just like I predicted, where I needed to go on a respirator. My uvula has been so swollen since the surgery that I keep thinking it’s a loogey I should spit up. (I know you were dying to know that.) I also awoke with deep and abiding memories of having spoken to Hel, the Norse Goddess of the Underworldd (as I expected to) as well as my friend Jon, who died earlier this year (which I did not expect to). I was lucky that Rave was able to write down my babbling so I have more than my swiss cheese memory to rely on. It was very intense and maybe once I’m on less goofballs and in less pain I might relate some of it to you.

I have lost a significant portion of my pannus – it’s kinda freaky – 30 or so pounds gone. My belly no longer hangs over my thighs at all, and instead I kinda look like a dude with a beer gut. It turns out that the larger abscess, the one they’ve been draining all this time, was so big it went all the way back to the abdominal wall; so they had to cut that deep in order to remove that, along with tons of infected and dead tissue.

I’m in a lot of pain – like, probably the worst pain I’ve ever had, postoperatively. I was in ICU for about 12 hours, and one of my memories was them asking me to roll on my side and me actively trying to find the words, at full volume, to let them know that not only did it hurt, but that I no longer consented. You know, a safeword of some sort. But now I’m able to get up and shuffle around with the assistance of a walker and one or two other people to wrangle all the tubes and wires attached to me. I have a “vacu-bandage” of some sort, that is both sucking all the fluid out of my wound, but is also holding my new improved belly in place so it heals without drooping.

That’s all for now. I just wanted to let you all know in blogland that I survived, I had a very intense Underworld experience, and I am on the path towards healing.



  1. Rebecca said,

    Good to hear from you, man. 🙂

  2. Renee said,

    Thanks for this entry — on more levels and for more reasons than my sleepy brain can list right now. Damn — goofballs!

  3. jubrew said,

    I can’t even begin to say how happy I am to read this, obviously not happy you’re in pain, but just glad you’re doing better:) XOXOX

  4. MiseryXchord said,

    ((Gentle hugs))

  5. Mr Teem said,

    I am very, very happy to hear that you’re now on a healing path!

  6. Dagian said,

    Excellent my dear friend, excellent. Looking forward to talking to you when the time is right. May Mengloth guide and bless your recovery, and may you uncover and hone your even deeper strength in enduring it.

  7. Divine Twin Diversions said,

    Good to hear from you. 🙂

  8. tracygalvezmsw@gmail.com said,

    I was looking forward to seeing your next post having hope that everything went well with your surgery and I’m glad to hear that not only did it go well but it seems that you got a tummy tuck lol. Keep getting better and looking forward to hear what you experiences while under!

  9. Stacia said,

    Not happy to hear that you are in so much pain, but awfully glad you are alive to feel it.

  10. facingthefireswithin said,

    My other line, which I said to myself in the ritual on Friday: “You’ve just been hit. The getting up is up to you.” But, I am confident that you will.

  11. chickgonebad said,

    I’m so glad to hear you are recovering. I feel like the removal of a deep abscess as you describe, with all the dead tissue, is ultimately a good thing (and disturbingly accurate to the spiritual world as well, as you no doubt know). I hate that you are in so much pain. I look forward to seeing you heal!

  12. mandalamama said,

    Goofballs are interesting. I’ve trance-meditated in the hospital while on goofballs and I think I may have met Timothy Leary once. or Papa Smurf. still not sure.

    I never thought of using a safeword for medical purposes! *big grins* I’m imagining yelling RED during a spinal tap.

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