Personally Public

September 11, 2012 at 10:31 pm (Death and Dying, Living, Living With Chronic Illness, Medical, Mental Health)

So first, a little business:
Thank you Daniel, Joel, Ryan, Sharon, and Killian for coming out and keeping me company. I greatly appreciate it.

Belated thanks to Rebecca, Leo, and Shane for coming out so Rave could run errands and, you know, not live in the hospital 24/7.

Also thanks to Aiden and Rose for care packages! I’ve been told there are more, but they have yet to be retrieved from WV.

Thank you, Bri, for lots of entertainment while I was laid up. I’m touched you went so far as to parody yourself just to make me giggle while feeling so sick.

Thanks to all those who have prayed, lit candles, sent love emails/texts/phone calls, who crossed their fingers for me or in any other way kept me in their thoughts.

I have a lot to process: I have basically reached Overwhelmed. Everything around me is changing, unsteady, unfamiliar, unknown. I bawl in front of my doctors. I act cool in front of my friends.

I haven’t decided how much of the next few weeks I’m going to write about. I have this odd sensation that it’s a very personal journey, and so much of my life has been public not because I want it to, but because I wanted my friends to help and support me. But I think I need to find a happy medium. I promised Baphomet that I would chronicle my journey, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a blow-by-blow.

I’ll say this much: I got some very distressing health news. I am still in shock. There is a ton of logistics and real-world things that have to get done on a very fast timetable. I won’t have time foe petty bullshit or trying to convince people to be there for me. Either you are, or you aren’t. It shouldn’t take a blog post to get you to reach out – I mean, everyone needs a reminder now and again – but I’m in this place where I need to, in a hurry, know who not only wants to be, but will do what it takes to be, a part of this journey now.

This isn’t forever. I’m sure in a few months I’ll be back with status updates about how I’m doing and what doctor I’m seeing.

It may seem silly or childish, but I don’t think it is. But when the doctor told me what the next few months are going to look like, I was overtaken with this strong urge to keep it fairly quiet.

I just need to figure out if I can live up to my promise of one post a week in a time where I’m not blogging about the elephant in the room. We’ll see.

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2 Comments

  1. jami grey said,

    Do you have any tips on how to deal with anxiety over a doc appt or procedure? I’m having an epidural steriod injection on Friday.

  2. Sharon said,

    As always, you can call me if you need me. I’m right down the street…Dave and I are sending lots of love and holding you in our hearts and thoughts.

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