When I Die: Obituaries

January 9, 2012 at 3:01 am (When I Die) (, )

I’ve decided to start a new category of posts on Dying for a Diagnosis, called “When I die”. I do not want people to get upset or offended at them; although what I plan to say is serious, I do not mean for it to be solemn. I want to be remembered in a multitude of joyous ways, and plan to give y’all some ideas on how to celebrate my passing in these posts. Please don’t think I’m wallowing in self-destruction over here; I’m really not.

Anyway, onto “When I Die: Obituaries”

When I die, I would like each and every one of you to submit an obituary to your local paper, or on your blog, or in some other public forum. I would like these obituaries to be blatantly false, creatively strange retellings of my life and it’s details. Choose a small, underserved charity that reaches out to some strange, unrelated population and say “In lieu of flowers, Del requested that you donate to the Little People’s Soccer Team of Sheboygan, MI.” These should be real charities in need of actual donations.

In these obituaries, you should detail the way we know each other, but again, it should be blatantly false. Extra points if it’s so unbelievable that even strangers would balk, like, “Del and I served together during WWI in Mongolia, flying rescue missions.”  Invent whatever family I’m survived by, but it should include you in some fashion. Also, feel free to list the cause of death as some wacky disease no one’ ever heard of, or say it was a combination of lupus and porphryria, with complications due to neoplastic syndrome (because I am a House, MD fan.)

When these are published, they should be collected by someone (I’ll take a volunteer in the comments, who is willing to share an email address with the masses) and given to Ninja to amuse himself when he gets sad.

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7 Comments

  1. sarai addams said,

    My email address is film.the.dead@gmail.com. I’ll collect them.

  2. Eric S said,

    I know there is something you want me to say at your funeral. I cannot remember what it is. Do you?

    • dying for a diagnosis said,

      I want you to do some sort of toast acknowledging that, in some random way, you (The Heimdall’s man) won (over me, the Loki’s man).

      • Eric S said,

        Done my friend. But I will also speak well of you. 😉

  3. Meredith said,

    Brilliant idea!

  4. Heathir said,

    It would be even better if there were a ‘Little People’s Soccer Team of Sheboygan MI’…so I’m sad that there isn’t. I just looked it up. (Or rather…let’s just say that they haven’t a presence on the Internet…yet.)

    • dying for a diagnosis said,

      Okay, so I hope that the two google hits I got from “Little People’s Soccar Team of Sheboygan, MI” was you, because otherwise that’s fucking hilarious and I don’t know what else to say about it.

      When I was writing the post, I thought about compiling a list of actual, crazy little charities, but decided that would a) delay the post for way longer than necessary and b) take all of the fun out of having you guys find them as a way to assuage your grief. Unless you want to plan beforehand.

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